Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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