yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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