Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
