So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
