No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
