I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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