why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
