if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
