Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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