dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
