She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
