I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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