Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
