so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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