I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize