I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
