i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am available for nakedness
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
