worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
