just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
