I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
