Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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