you traded sex for a burrito?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
