rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
not ubering you a puppy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
