just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
