obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
