Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
