I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We need to get me chipped asap
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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