I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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