A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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