A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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