I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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