how can u be prego again
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
