i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
