Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize