She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
