I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
