I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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