I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
