did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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