If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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