Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
