I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
