Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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