Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
