high people should be assigned attendants
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
birth control should be required to get into college
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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