You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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