I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
