Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
