Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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