Do you still have your period?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
