I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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