Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
