I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
