If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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