He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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