Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
