Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
