Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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