I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
