It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Panties = found
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
