It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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