Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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