She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
