turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
