remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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