Dual....:-)
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
