does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
