When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
