I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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