Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
