Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
