we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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