i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So squirting runs in the family.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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