this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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