Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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