The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
