Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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