This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
