Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
