Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
