Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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