for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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