So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
