I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
