Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
