Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
