At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
