Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
