He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
