positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
did you just send me my own nude
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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