Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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