Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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