went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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