Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
