So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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