Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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