I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
