Sponge bath it is.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
