just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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