I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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