Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
