You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
