Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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