I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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