and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
