I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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