why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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