Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
