Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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