Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
