white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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