i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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