I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize