I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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