ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
