get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
