I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
