i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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